I Was a Bag Lady: ALS Humor

It was the summer of love…

It was the summer of song…

Awww... who am I kidding?

It was the summer I became "the (ALS) Bag Lady!"

My journey down the rabbit hole of this unique addiction began a couple of summers ago when I happened across a YouTube video of a woman demonstrating how she made yarn out of a plastic bag. It was a very precise process of folding, cutting, and rolling it all into a little ball of - - hat she called, Plyarn.

I was hooked!

Because not only did our garage have a tote bag full of recycled grocery bags that never seemed to make it back to the store, but I was also in need of a creative project; a project that used my hands.

Being in the early phase of ALS, my hands were still working and I wanted to keep them working. I’ve always loved to knit and crochet, so squeezing in ‘just-one-more-project-before-my-hands-quit’ was now my personal ALS battle cry.

So I brought the tote in from the garage and immediately dove into creating my very own Plyarn. 

Once I absorbed the origami of folding a bag and turning it into long thin slices, I happily discovered that one single Safeway grocery bag produced 10 yards of shiny white Plyarn! A few hours later, the tote was nearly empty. I proudly gazed at a table covered with colorful, little, plastic balls.

Feeling ambitious 
I decided to crochet a purse. Not just any purse mind you, but one with a ruffle, sturdy bottom, and braided handles made out of, of course, more plastic bags.

Lucky for me, pulling everything apart and starting over again is much easier with Plyarn than with real wool yarn! The wool frizzes and knots up when used over and over. Plyarn, through the miracle of being - - err, plastic, can take the abuse. Per my usual method of picking a pattern I’ve never tried before and not ‘wasting time’ on a test swatch; there were, many, many, do-overs.  But in the end, I made a darn good little purse!

Because it was plastic, waterproof, and apparently ‘indestructible,’ it became my new pool bag; used for goggles, lotion, and such. The ladies down at our community pool were pretty impressed, and just couldn’t believe it was made entirely of plastic grocery bags. So, being on a roll, I decided to crochet a matching Plyarn sun hat and wore it at the pool while we all water-walked and chatted.

Pool-side lessons

A few of the pool ladies asked to learn how they could make their own Plyarn, so I typed up some directions and we held a few short sessions poolside. A couple others watched while bemoaning they didn’t know how to crochet, but they offered to give me their collection of saved-up plastic bags.

Dear reader - - at this point, I confess. My brain said, “No thank you” but the words “That would be great!” came out of my mouth instead.

During the following weeks, small collections of colorful plastic bags were bestowed on me. Knowing full well I didn’t need them, but feeling guilty for not at least trying to transform them into something useful - - I dutifully brought them home.

Soon, a new, bigger Plyarn project filled my brain. I envisioned a pool bag large enough to hold my towel and shoes. Plus, I would need another matching hat. 

A bag of bags

A total of 43 plastic bags went into the main section, 10 more for the handles plus, the hat used up 12. Wow! 65 plastic bags!

It was a mighty pool bag; and weighed a ton! The end result kind of straddled the line between useful and objet d’art ....or, just plain odd. However, the pool ladies were ecstatic.

My stockpile of bags finally dwindled down and I proclaimed, “That’s it! I’m done!”

Looking for the "off" switch

I soon learned that there’s no stopping the wheel of motion once people learn it’s easier to bring their plastic recycle bags down to the pool rather than hauling ‘em back to the store. Donated bags kept coming and coming! Finally, I pleaded “No more!”

(a pause in the story) I remember back in Iowa when neighborhood gardens produced bumper crops of tomatoes and zucchini. Bags full of fresh-picked vegetables would appear "mysteriously" at the backdoor or behind the driver’s seat if you happened to leave your car unlocked.  The same thing started happening to me; only with plastic bags.

For instance, I’d park my walker near the pool’s steps, get into the water, and by the time I turned around - - three, four even five brightly colored bags had been secretively attached to the walker. Like Tibetan prayer flags flapping in the mountain wind, yes, my walker had been ‘bag bombed.’

Oh, I’ll admit it was hard for me to stop. Every time I decided to use up what I had on ‘one last project,’ I’d come up short two or three specific colors. I’d put the word out to a few close friends that I was in need of say, lavender or a certain turquoise, along with the admonition, Please, just don’t let everyone else know! They’d kindly help out, and soon the pool became our meet-up site for clandestine hand-offs. Like movie spies we’d silently exchange innocuous envelopes containing carefully flattened bags of color.

My final strategy to end it all was simply to not show up at the pool for a while. Let things cool off for a few weeks, I thought.

A surprising handoff

One day, following a couple weeks of absence, my husband and I returned to the pool. We'd just reached the entrance when a man nervously came up to us. “My wife can’t make it today,” he said, “but she sent me to give you this….you are "the ALS Bag Lady" aren’t you?”

Momentarily stunned, we looked at what the man was holding in his hands. It was a big white garbage bag, crammed, and I mean crammed, full of plastic bags!

Still in a state of shock and with my hands firmly clasping my walker, I could only muster a polite smile. Not knowing exactly what to do either, my husband reached out and took the bag from the man who, just as quickly, turned and walked away.

“What do you want me to do with this?” my husband asked.

“Toss it,” I said, pointing to a nearby recycle bin.

And that was that. My summer as "the ALS Bag Lady" officially came to an end!

A few of my Plyarn hats and bags

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- - Moral of the story - -

People enjoy helping and if it’s for a good cause, they’ll help even more. 

A very good cause is donating to the ALS Association.

- - Postscript - -

Yes, I’ve seen the video that went viral on Facebook, showing women 

crocheting plastic bags into sleeping mats for the homeless. 

And NO, I don’t need any more plastic bags!   
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Dagmar Munn
ALS and Wellness Blogger

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